If there is one important truth I learned today, it is that God is in everything. There is no trial, no sorrow, no pain, no past guilt that cannot be healed by the greatest healer of all, which is Jesus Christ.
It has taken me a LONG time to fully grasp that. I mean, what does God want anything to do with me? I am imperfect, I am prone to mistakes, and I will never be good enough. That constantly sits in my thoughts as people talk about their relationships with God…talking about it seems good and all, but I wonder if I have a similar relationship. It’s like Billy in the Polar Express who, when asked by his friends why he’s not happy, adamantly states “I don’t know. Christmas…just doesn’t work out for me.” Let me take the chance to reflect on this for a minute. I often feel like Billy in situations where I feel like I am the only one who “doesn’t seem to have it working out for me.” My friends, my peers, and even those who I look up to seem to have this connection with God that I just often feel like I lack. I want to feel those same things, but I am somehow falling behind in this race of finding my place and relationship with Him.
This past year has been extremely hard for me to find God, as I feel like He has somehow forgotten about me and left me to fight on my own. Never in my life have I felt so lost, pushed to and fro by the constant trials that have come into my life, and never seem to go away. I have struggled with mental illness for a while now, and it’s in moments of my darkness that make me question where God is. How could I believe in a plan that talks about His joy for me when all I feel is despair?
Today as I was thinking about this, I was reading in Luke 1:37, which states beautifully, “For with God nothing shall be impossible,” and I was paralyzed. This claim that God strengthens us to do the impossible like I said before sounds nice, but do I really believe it? And it was through this scripture, that it became a direct message to me, saying, “I am here. You are mine, and therefore be not afraid.” All of the heartache, all of the wondering, all of the nights that seemed like endless darkness was brought to peace. Life is hard, I will be the first to admit, and yes, I still find it hard to find the happiness in life. But I was humbled in this as I was quite personally told that though the hard times come, I will be victorious in the end through the grace, love and mercy of a loving God who has not forsaken me. I may be imperfect, and I may be nothing, but to God, who is in every sense of the word perfect, I am everything, and that is a truly beautiful truth.
For those who feel like Billy, where God and His voice to you just don’t seem to work out for you, let me leave you with a scripture that again brought me hope in the fact that though He may not seem to be there while you’re being surrounded by the darkness, either mentally, spiritually or physically, He is there. He cries as you cry, and even though it seems dark, light will come. You are not alone in this. He will speak to you, but we must be willing to hear His voice. Christ, our Savior and Redeemer came to this earth “to give light unto them that sit in darkness…to guide our feet into the way of peace.” (Luke 1:79). He will guide your feet towards peace and He will light your way by letting you know that you are His, today, tomorrow and forever.