Long time, no talk. It’s been a wild ride…and let me tell ya, life sure hasn’t slowed down and waited for me to catch up. But even through all the crazy that has been happening all around me, I feel more myself…more connected to those close to me, and closer to finding my purpose in life.
I am a huge believer in being independent, in having the American dream motive of “pulling myself up by the boot straps” and getting stuff done, in “taking life by the horns” and being in control of the life I’ve been given. Heck, I even go so far as to read self-help books (which, by the way, I highly recommend. Seriously changed my life.) so I don’t burden people with my problems and worries, believing I can fix them on my own. And I know I am not the only one.
But, is this self-reliance such a bad thing? My response — no. In fact, it’s an admirable quality to have. It shows you have drive and a desire to change things about your circumstances and make things better for yourself…but, that is where things get muddy. I know parents always say that sometimes kids only learn by doing it on their own, no matter how many times they give them cautious advice, but in reality, whether we think we are on our own or not, we truly are not alone in this life.
I have a really hard time opening myself up to people. Like, I come across as detached and unfriendly because of my fear of being hurt, of being rejected by those I care about if I show them who I truly am. And I often feel this hopeless isolation, the one where I feel like being independent, mature, and being the “perfect girl” for everyone has lead me down a path of no friends, no relationships, no guidance. It is a lonely place to be. And through the course of these couple weeks, I have grown to see that I am not alone. I have an amazing support group of family and friends who love me for me, and are there for me when I feel like I cannot go on. And most importantly, I know that Jesus Christ is there in the storms of life with me. He doesn’t take a nice vacation to Hawaii when I am drowning in the waves of despair. He doesn’t mock or shame me for asking for His help — in fact, He loves me (and all of you) so much, that whatever matters to you, matters to Him.
That said, while I say I am independent, I know for a fact that I fall short of this all of the time. This life is hard. Everyone struggles and goes through times that seem like we are left to drown in our worries and fears alone. But Christ never wanted life to be this way. He wants us to rely on Him, to depend on Him, to call out to Him. And as we do, life becomes all that it is meant to be and more.
Until next time —